A Hero
I believe that the parent is a child’s first hero for better or worse. In general terms, one must be careful of subscribing to celebrity culture with its delusion. This kind of delusion can leave one unrealistically expecting a celebrity idol and/or celebrity culture to provide or fill a void of valor, courage, and heroics that can only exist in one’s parents. Outside of one’s parents, those we admire are very important because they help guide us out of indecision and even inspire us to make different decisions. With that said, a parent is the one that shapes who we ultimately become. In our most formative years, they dictate our mindset, feelings, self-confidence, ability to listen, and, most importantly, how we see the world (and, therefore, behave in it). I consider it to be an act of treason (or at the very least irrational judgment) to look at any young person without a parent or parental guide and consider them less than, delinquent, and/or bad. Those of us that do have parents are not factually better either as most parents are so conflicted within themselves that they make it impossible to be a guide for their child to follow in any way. One could argue that is just as complicated as not having a parental figure. Therefore, the ideology of “better than” must be given context at all times for true understanding. It is not about what we as a society perceive as advantages in life that ultimately end up mattering but rather the context of that advantage in conjunction with timing, circumstance, and life challenges. While we all have different challenges, our challenges are relative and, therefore, specific to the individual.
Every single person on this earth is factually given something special. Most don’t end up finding it based on their home life or lack thereof. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. Without guidance, it is important to note its relativity. Without a hero, it is important to note its by-product. The human model of comparison is flawed from its inception. It is also a hallmark of being human. The goal in my view is to strive for more contrast than comparison in one’s life. Unless there are two like terms (in other words, two very similar people from very similar backgrounds and economic circumstances), it is illogical at its base to compare. Every single individual has an advantage in this life, no matter what circumstances exist. Negative things have and will continue to occur for all of humankind. It takes a special individual along with special parental guides to focus one’s advantages and hone the skills necessary to fight strategically against the challenges of life and its vicissitudes. This is easier said than done which is why I’ve never written publicly about anything I know until I’ve done what I know. All I write about I have done. I may not have the privilege to fully implement all that I learn in my lifetime, but I’ve made sure to do all that I know daily ever since I set out to conquer myself at the young age of two and a half when I was working to play the piano but my hands just wouldn’t do what I confidently knew my mind could. I’ve experienced this same scenario throughout my life in many different aspects and circumstances. I conquer my fears while being aware of the base of my competence because I believe it’s the only way. As an extreme person, I desperately need and have always needed my parents’ guidance. I could have easily been an absolute disaster in so many ways that exceed my hands and feet. Both my mother and father made sure to role model what imperfection alongside grace looks like every step of the way. While my parents did not make the long haul together, I consider them to be like the Chicago Bulls. When they were together they built a dynasty that demonstrated what teamwork, struggle, life’s pressure, disappointment, grace, patience, and — most important — consistency looks like in life. I had the privilege of observing all of the above and I want to be just like my dad always in all ways.
He is my hero, my role model, a model global citizen, and the sharpest tool in the shed (which most are unable to appreciate). What I do know is that he appreciates himself. That is what I’ve learned that matters in life. It’s not what people think of me that matters but what I think of myself. My mom is the poster child of this statement as she is the most respectful and insightful nonconformist I’ve ever seen in real life or the movies. She is a commander in scale and scope. She made sure to instill not just value but the cost of indecision, low performance, and higher education.
In my specific case, celebrity and its culture have only been an appreciated source of great entertainment. It’s never been a source of anything else for me. I think it’s important to distinguish between appreciating and following celebrities. I think we need to spend more time as a society assessing what traditional celebrity means to us as individuals and also in general terms. Celebrities are generally only seen or known in one curated dimension. One cannot, therefore, derive a sense of how to be a complete person from a celebrity role model in the way they would from a role model who is a parent, caregiver, mentor, or teacher who can share the full spectrum of their humanity.
Every time I’ve had a discussion with my father either about missteps in his life or the many missteps that I’ve made in my life, my dad has always said the same thing to me: “son, life is a learning process.” What I extract from having heard this from early childhood is that it’s not about the perfection that we all strive for in life, but the learning process of it all. That’s the point of what this life is about. Due to this model that was set for me, I don’t see my many failures as mistakes but rather a process and opportunity to learn. Being alive is a continual process and opportunity to learn. I take my many mishaps, missteps, mistakes, and wrongs as learning processes that require me to step up to the plate and learn from my mistakes to evolve. This is what I define as “performance” and I’m continuously pushing for that performance in life (not for perfection, as my dad taught me there’s no such thing). My dad always says, “people are people. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, a perfect marriage, or a perfect parent.” Any time he doesn’t know something — which is a good amount of the time — he’ll always just look at me and say, “I’m just a parent that’s doing the best I can. I love and care about you and want the best for you. The information I give you may not necessarily be the most accurate. Some of it may be complete garbage. But at the very least you have a mom and dad with whom you can discuss anything you want.”
Who is your hero?
