To any young person feeling misunderstood: read this to understand.
The depth of envy and its aimless nature is infinite to those that subscribe. There have been subscribers in existence long before social media. We as people subscribe to all kinds of thoughts that determine our mindset which ends up determining our consistent actions and creates our patterns. Eventually, this ends up defining our future and its impact. This is why it is important when getting the opportunity to live to be most careful of what one chooses to think about in life because when you get there that’s exactly where you will be. The most misunderstood are the ones that have the most to give, the most to share, and the most to contribute. Yet the misunderstood are thought of the least, ridiculed beyond reason, and insulted daily while being the most talked about in private to bond over the critique of how “different”, “weird” and “non-traditional” these kinds of individuals are. I’m not speaking on another person’s story but, rather, my own and its direct similarities to other individuals like you and me.
My first experience with being misunderstood was with a drum teacher my father took me to. The teacher watched me play for a couple of seconds and then told me that I was holding my sticks wrong with a condescending laugh. When he saw I was confused, he doubled down by explaining how I would never be a great drummer if I continued to hold my sticks “incorrectly”. I remained quiet and observant of what condescending, unhelpful critique looked like. This exchange of criticism was much worse than I choose to go into because I’m not a victim of this circumstance but, rather, a student of it. The experience was so harsh that I remember my father gently explaining to me (without giving the teacher’s display of arrogance any power) that I could hold my sticks however I choose to hold them. He explained that my being left-handed was not only a gift but that being ambidextrous was an even greater gift that I should be proud of. He continued to let me know that I am an individual that can “only be me” and I “should never want to be anyone else”. While this was the most helpful (and is the only reason I didn’t go down a very destructive and vengeful path), I’ll never forget the feeling of the person that was supposed to be my teacher making me feel like I had a disease for being left-handed.
It is important to take note that this personal experience is laughable in contrast to human atrocities such as modern and historical slavery, genocide, and the holocaust where children like me were not just spoken to a certain way for a couple of minutes but equally treated for years like their existence was a disease. With this natural perspective I’ve always had, the determining factor of the constructive person I’ve become is my mother and father. I never needed to see my parents as either superheroes (as most parents pose as) or, on the opposite end, meeting only the minimum requirements of personhood and parenting. They never represented themselves as either extreme. They represented themselves as being human while striving for the peak of the infinite possibilities of choice, accomplishment, perseverance, introspection, and most importantly perspective. By leaning into their humanity and being transparent and realistic about who they are, they’re able to strive for and achieve the best version of themselves. They never romanticized being a parent by representing themselves as a superhero that no parent is. A parent is simply a more experienced human.
While parents make tremendous sacrifices for their children — and deserve acknowledgment for those sacrifices — it is not the child’s choice to be brought into this world. Therefore, any parent making a child feel they owe something because they’re brought here without choice is simply and factually wrong (despite them being entitled to their opinion). At some point, certain parents expect their children to support them while still having the compliance of a child, which makes no sense. Children owe their parents nothing but respect. Burdening any child with the expectation that they owe their parents anything but respect (i.e. things, retribution, payback, etc.) is an off-base philosophy that leads nowhere other than resentment, confusion for the child, and loss of self.
My parents fought daily to protect me by exposing their imperfections to me from day one while allowing me to be myself at all times, no matter my age. This was in direct contrast to much of the rest of the world which never did anything but point me out for being different with ridicule, unsubstantiated critique, and aimless and insulting humor. Those deprecating actions were informed by envy and, equally, clear knowing that I wasn’t just different but I had an unshakable spirit that was going to do something that they couldn’t imagine, understand, or directly relate to. As a result, their point of view made them attempt to put me down at any juncture they could because of how high I hold my head in confidence, never arrogance.
Not a single professional friend and/or acquaintance has ever wished me well and/or given me a single compliment for any accomplishment. Rather, their comments have been indirect as well as direct insults about my character, my unconventional work, and my synthesis of both. For any child that can relate to friends, authority figures, and/or strangers’ unprovoked critiques — natural light dimmers that perform the opposite task of a lifeguard — know with the most confidence that you are not only not alone, but I and many others in history (as well as the future) have dealt with the feelings you are feeling right now. Various forms of this type of envy have persisted from childhood into my adult life. If you experience this, don’t ever feel like you’re alone but also don’t ever expect that it’s going to stop. When you have something different as far as help to offer to the world, envy will always follow in some capacity. The idea is not to spend energy trying to stop it but to accept, cooperate with, and compartmentalize it. Directionalize those feelings into construction, never destruction. The only thing you will ever destroy is yourself when you understandably react to unfounded ridicule and envy. Use your power to learn how to practice control and restraint in all regards to develop the best line of defense a human can have in this life: a measured response. A measured response will never take the pain away but it will diffuse and inflict the appropriate pain onto those that envy you so deeply they hate you. That hate is not your problem to fix, attend to, discuss, and/or even react to in discussion (as there is nothing to discuss when envy is present). Let any individual that puts hate into the universe, especially when directed, be their issue to solve. Do not ever make it yours by engaging except in defense. When engaging in the defense, make sure you dismantle peacefully and purposefully with authority, precision, and accuracy to allow those that attack to second guess engaging based on the consequence. Every hateful person not only has a weakness but has a very clear weakness they telegraph daily: ENVY. Having issues in this life is part of it. Therefore, learning how to respond to the issues in your life is where the key lies in accordance with your personal composition.
Do you choose to focus on your oppressor or your goals and aspirations to impact the world in the way you see it?
