Trained to Operate

Most parents don’t reprimand because they attempt to be the child’s friend instead of their guide. A guide cannot be a friend. The two are mutually exclusive, in my view. A professor may have a special connection with a student and can technically be friends with any student they choose. But blurring the lines between the guide and the one needing guidance will (in almost all circumstances) cause unforeseen negative — and most importantly unnecessary — increased complications. While both a parent and child can learn from each other, only one has experience. Experience is what teaches wisdom. It is, therefore, incumbent on the parent to take the position for what it is. While most individuals (in general terms) have a hard time dealing with their faults and/or seeing themselves clearly, it is imperative as parents to recognize the same in their children. Children are just as intelligent, simply without the experience. With this recognition, parents can guide appropriately without having to teach. The distinction between the two is based on how one chooses to order their operations. A parent can decide that they want to be an authority exclusively and that it’s their way no matter what. Alternately, a parent can make the conscious choice to guide without expectations but with boundaries. This is much easier said than done. It takes a very special parent to understand the nuance of nuance as well as the guide of enforcement. Parents that manage to attain this parenting skill train their children to operate in an unfair, unknown, and contradictory world. Flexibility in this world is just as important as rigidity in the areas that create a solid foundation. Those who believe that their lives are so magical and impressive that they can afford to be void of careful observation, clear listening, and appropriate enforcement of necessary guide rails for their child’s future are usually very defensive individuals that lack context. Their children’s results (and/or lack thereof) usually speak for themselves in terms of the ability to operate independently. I always have and always will have empathy for parents and their circumstances. With that said and acknowledged, these notable points of view go beyond circumstantial conditions.

What type of parenting have you received in terms of the way you parent?